Bad Days Happen

Rough day feels like an understatement. It's not the worst day I've had but it was not great. The exhaustion from the previous day melded into the next, and I found myself having zero motivation to get out of bed. The baby was still sleep but in walks my 3 year old mad at me that I didn't stay in his bed only a few hours earlier, around 4 am he was at my bedside with blood all over his face crying and uncooperative. Since we live in the desert and it being so dry it gives the poor boy a bloody nose every once in a while. So after cleaning him up he insisted I stay in his most uncomfortable bed, one thing i will be looking into replacing. Once he fell asleep I went back to mine, passed out until 8 am with this unset kid. I convince him to lay down with me and I quickly remember I need to wake the older one for school.

Some days this is the most challenging, especially when it comes to her having an accidents and needing to do the extra work of showering up and taking her bedding to the wash. There are days where she is up before me and already served her brother and her self and others where even with out an accident you have to drag her out of bed because she went to bed late. As a mom I know that I should be better at getting her to sleep, however at the end of the day, I typical have ran out of care or energy to tell her to go to bed 500 times. The medication she is on tends to keep her up some nights, and for the sanity of the home we have just accepted that this is part of the new norm. This is all in hopes that this will benefit her in the long run.

Refusal to get up and get going results in her being late to remote learning, and today is short so I didn't see a purpose in making her focus verses making today an eating day so that she can keep up her weight. These are the days that I struggle with, more so on the days when she still fights what she is being fed. Example would be today where she ate just tortilla chips not that there wasn't an effort to get her to eat something else. Her hangriness left her in a more than ever defiant mode which didn't help my three-year olds behavior. The chaos builds and I feel completely helpless and one more punch or bite from full tears myself.

Yesterday, I had my kitchen window broken by my daughter and a flooded house right before bed that my son had made. At least the boy was trying to be helpful, he had turned on the sink to help me clean a backpack I had worked on that day. Thankful for my Norwex Bath Towels because they absorbed at least 10x more than my not so special guest towels, easier to wring out and just the life saver of the evening. As for the window, she was swinging things around and hit the window. She felt like he was in need praise for cleaning it up, but she didn't tell us and now owes us $100 worth of chores to fix it. Maintainance comes today so we will see how much it's going to cost us. It is astonishing how much damage can happen when you just walk away for a few moments.

While, she agreed to the consequences of her actions, and what her first chore would earn her towards her debt, she still had no desire to do the chore of cleaning up the backyard. This would have given her a what seemed a generous $5 to do so, but she still didn't want to so she didn't do it. I feel like I'm a patience person and I kept my cool and hate feeling like I'm being walked on, but what do you do when you're completely ignored.

There are days where the 3 year old feels like he is getting zero attention and just goes and punches his sister, and when questions why he responds with "CUZ!" Thankfully there are less days where they both join in on drive mommy crazy day and well , he just wants to be just like sister. I wish those days matched up with cleaning days with full coöperation. which will most likely be several years from now when they both really want something.

I'm told I'm going to miss these days, probably more like these moments where there is cuddles and random "I love you mom". Right now my favorite time is the middle of the night were they lay peacefully asleep and I can think and remember how much I love them too. Not that I don't love them during the day but it's really hard to think about all that love you have for them when your cleaning up all the mud they dragged in the house or the toys in the middle of the floor that you just stepped on. I think the hardest time is when they don't get there way and tell me I'm not the best, heart breaking moments like that drag me down.

I'm sure at some point I said something unkind but all the times I recall I instantly paid for it. I don't feel like I was a bad kid. I often blame my husband for the bad Karma he sent my way from his childhood, but I'm sure that's not the reason I just like to joke with him.

Between the Medicine, Counseling extra help and attention with in person school starting, I pray that my now 7 year old can be able to figure out her emotions learn to cope and that the bad days become few and far in-between. For her brothers I hope that they may not struggle and have bad days like I have dealt with their sister. Doing the best I can and trying not to let the bad days destroy me.