What is self-care?

During my group therapy zoom meeting last at the beginning of each session each person starts with a check in. Questions like what are your core feelings, or what level are your depression and anxiety at today? Most days my anxiety would be high because once COVID hit and school became remote learning the stress to get my daughter to log on and do kindergarten, which she was already struggling with, took a huge toll. Most days it wasn’t worth the fight with her to join school. Depression was low towards the beginning because medication had been adjusted. Another one of the questions that came up was about self-care. What did you do for self care? The first time chiming in and hearing this question. I was puzzled. Self-Care, what the heck is that. And then to hear the answers. Last night I took a shower! What! I’m glad you took a shower I’m sure your family appreciates that you took a shower.

I had never thought about a shower as a self-care more as a necessity every few days because I found a few minutes to do so between the chaos in the morning getting breakfast and school going,the n not being able to lose sight of my mischievous toddler followed by making dinner and getting the kids ready for bed last thought was a shower that lasted more than a quick washing bc I still had the hassle of getting them to sleep. And what felt like forever I was off to lay in my bed pregnant, uncomfortable and playing a mindless game because I couldn’t sleep. it seemed pointless to wait to take a shower or bath bc it would probably be interrupted. Something so simple as a shower or a bath meant for relaxing seemed so far out of reach. i hated asking for help from my spouse, I knew it wasn’t

something he wanted to do, putting up with the kids while I took time for myself especially since he work all day. I just didn’t want the let down, that would typically happen when I asked for time to myself. I had stopped asking for help, I didn't realize at the time how that effected my relationship adding all the stress to feel like I had to do it all.

A simple thing like a shower is self care. When you are set on auto pilot like I was or when you are just in the mood of not wanting to get out of bed in the first place. Where lazy days roll into yet another lazy day, and you just didn't even realize how depressed you were to begin with. Self-care starts with these simple things, being set on auto pilot you don't even realize how even getting dressed for the day has the effect for the rest of your day. I thought it was "Oh, I'm just a mom at home. I'm married I don't need to get all dressed up.", but we do. These little things so simple are the start to feeling better. The change is hard. I still struggle with making myself up every day. Something I'm working on , but that longer shower or soaking in a bath, that took change. Asking for the much needed help, adjusting my priorities and realizing how much neglect I had afflicted on myself.

One of the signs of depression is not finding joy in the things we would normally find fun or enjoyable. On several occasions I had been told to force myself to do them. While that might work for some it wasn't the case for me. I suggest start with the little things that we don't even recognize that matter, like self-care.